Saturday, February 6, 2010

My Name is Bombay

I am
The Mega City
The City of Dreams
Of hopes and aspirations

I discriminate against none
And welcome all
I fulfill dreams, and wipe away tears

I feed the hunger of all
The money-hungry corrupt
The power-hungry politicians
The publicity-hungry stars
The breaking-news-hungry media

I have no religion
But all religions are welcome to me
The super-rich own me
But I belong to the masses too
I speak no language
But I speak them all
English, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi, Urdu
They call me by different names
I am Mumbai to a few, Bambai to a few

But how does it matter
I am big - bigger beyond the hungry
I am India
Ny Name is Bombay

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

We are blessed

We are so blessed to have 2 parties, the great Congress and the dynamic NCP to serve us.

They are so keen to serve us the people, that they are not able to decide, days after the election results are announced, how many ministers each will have to serve us.

They - Sonia, Sharad, Ashok, Vilasrao, Chhagan, Narayan - and even the babalog - Supriya, Nilesh, Milind, and many other assorted babies of all sizes shapes and ideologies - all line up for a share of the responsibility of serving us the people.

So much so that even the governor is concerned why the 2 parties are so keen to serve the people that they have not yet formed a government yet.

And no cynicism please; all this is only to serve you the common man and woman. They are so keen to do the job properly, and don't want to leave it to chance - or to their alliance partner either.

Life could never have been better. Well it could have - if only, I could have migrated to Australia before they took out their daggers. And, to the US, but the H1B has dried up too.

Bombay - I land up staying here. I know I know, I don't deserve you, and you don't deserve the ones who stay here either.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Merit always triumphs (or does it)

Nothing else matters.

Not age.
Not hardships.
Not who you were born to.
Not how you look.
Not how well connected you are.
Not how people perceive you.

Not in the UK atleast.
India? Well, Jaanta Nahi Meraa Baap Kaun Hai still prevails, unfortunately...

Ever imagine a 47-year old Indian woman, never-married, who stays alone with her cat, getting shortlisted to go on stage for the Indian Idol..? Though now, I am sure, we might!

See this, and try not getting teary-eyed!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

My Dear Vajpayee-jee,

I hope my letter finds you in the best of health. I pray to Lord Ram for your continued good health and your blessings to us and our Parivar in the days to come.

Speaking of Lord Ram, I also pray to him and thank him that nasty court case against me has not been moved out; so it can continue to stagnate and decay, under the burden of the papers that the courts are overloaded with.

Speaking of overloaded, I am also overloaded with a lot of pink chaddis - a lot of those meant for that idiot Muthalik seem to have got diverted to our Parivar folks too.

Speaking of diversion, it seems a lot of hawala money was diverted by that Pune Khan chap to Swiss banks. I was about to suggest in Parliament that we write to Swiss banks making it compulsory to reveal the owners of the wealth, like the US Govt did. But then, I was stopped in time by, let me see, who was it... Yes, everyone. The only time we had true consensus in parliament.

Speaking of consensus, we are now having true consensus in UP - Kalyan has joined Mulayam, and we also agree that there are only 2 ladies that need to be beaten (up) - that Italian one, and that Uttar Bharatiya one.

Speaking of beating up, Valentine's day is here again, refreshing days are here again. I do like these light hearted days; so much better than answering courts and committees about how that stupid structure came down.

Speaking of committees, the SIT committee is making life tough for Modi-jee, though I confess, I am quite relieved. This does take off the pressure of him breathing down my neck, off for a while - the Tatas and Ambanis made life difficult for me annointing him as PM-in-Waiting.

Speaking of PM-in-waiting, people say that is officially, my tag & title. Oh, what tragedy. To think that at one point, this was the tag for ChandraShekhar! How I have fallen, Vajpayee-jee.

Speaking of other PMs-in-waiting, brings me to Rahul-baba ofcourse. Why cannot the Congress tell once and for all whether Manmohan or Rahul will be the next PM? Do I criticize the weakness of the first, or the dynastic regime of the second? These cunning congressites!

Speaking of dynasties, I was wondering whether Pratibha (my daughter not the Prez!) might have made a mistake not joining the BJP & Politics? See how Rahul-baba and Priyanka-baby have made a career (and money) out of actually doing nothing but smiling and talking. Well, thats what Pratibha can also do so well.

Speaking of merely smiling and talking, reminds me ofcourse of our fearless Barkha-jee; the one who never (oh ofcourse never) compromised the lives of hostages by giving away there positions on live TV. (She files law-suits, Vajpayee-jee, she files law-suits)

Speaking of TV, it is too boring these days - no war cries with Pakistan any more.

Speaking of Pakistan, oh forget it. They are not even worth speaking about.

Speaking of worth speaking, ofcourse is the elections. They're a-coming, haan-jee, they are coming. And my wait is about to get over.

Speaking of elections, ofcourse is that Congress stooge sitting there and leaking all information to them. These guys have covered all their flanks.

Speaking of which reminds me, Vajpayee-jee, you became PM once atleast (twice if we count your 13 day fiasco). Will I not, even once, ever?

Atal-jee, Aapka Hua

Ab Meraa Kyaa (Kab?) Hogaa

And now that I am going through this letter, I realise that, like this letter, my career too is not going anywhere.

With deep respects and pranaams,


Note 1- This is an Imaginary and fictitious letter, written only in humour, & without any expectations of it being taken seriously by anyone.
Note 2 - All apologies already provided to all who object to this post. No law suits accepted.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Sacred Cows

One man's sacred cow is another man's, er, beef.. And what could classify as downright cheapness, can also, by a small smart calculated shift and a little lipstick, become shining & exemplary behaviour.

So, a Congress minister can cater to his political base (which need not extend to India, but is probably limited to his Religion). So while Indians can fret and and frown, by playing to his target constituency, it sees him as a hero (He claims to have started recieving big hugs now, each time he goes to pray!).

So when the Indian cricket team say they are playing for the country and for Bombay, it sounds hollow. Because, unlike the England team that gave away 50% of their personal match fees earning, all the Indian cricketers contributed is 'dedicating' their win to the Bombay victims (and Sachin's raising his bat after, oh-thank-God achieving his 41st century to keep his neck ahead of Ponting). So once you put those black arm bands, you can continue and mint money; and hopefully the IPL cash coffers will also open up soon.

So, when Star Plus shows the Voice of India song-and-dance program last evening with all gloss and glitter, without a care about the propriety of it, happening less than a month of the Bombay terror attacks - they are smart enough to take precautionary action. Throw in a few tricolour-clad dancers and put in stupid patriotic Bollywood songs (suno gaur se duniya waalon buri nazar naa hampe daalo) - and presto, they are actually doing it for the country. Not money or TRPs, of course not.

Like sex, jingoism sells too. So, put in the tricolours, or don't, depending on the constituency you wish to appeal to. And exploit the masses.

Sacred cows are meant to be slaughtered, yes, but you do need to make the right noises.