Feminism?

I have been tagged by Indian Home Maker for my views on Feminism.

A difficult question, and tough to articulate. First thought, and the obvious one, is equality.

Was it feminism on display when my mother resumed work a couple of years after my birth? In those days and times, it would have been close to revolutionary. Especially since I realise she was probably the only lady amongst our social & family circle, who was a working wife (forget working mother). Would it not have been tough, juggling family and work, both? It sure was. And was she happy about it? Overall, yes, because she had the ability to decide to work if she wanted, and also because her professional qualifications were actually put to use where it mattered - not just in the home & kitchen. More than that, there is a sense of happiness driven by having contributed - and not in equal measure, but a lot more - within the home and outside.

What else is feminism? I think it is the ability of making your own Choice: the choices of education, higher studies, choice of vocation & career, the choice to love, to marry who she wants, the choice to have a child or not (though I think this one is a joint decision), the choice to work/ not to work after having a child, and making all the important choices that would go into bringing up the child/ children.

Feminism is not about whether the woman is allowed to either stay at home, or work *and* take care of the home. It is about a situation where the man & woman together decide who will earn the dough and if & whether someone needs to stay & care of the home - and if so, who.

It is also about equality, and therefore, it is NOT feminism when you see a trophy wife sitting at home vegetating - even if it is her choice. It is not feminism when the only contribution to the home is trips to the shopping mall, because it is degrading not only to her but to the rest of womanhood - and even if it is her choice alone.

Which therefore brings me to Independence. Feminism is also about being independent as well as contributing. A woman, to be an equal partner, has to contribute in some manner to the relationship - either in monetary terms and/or the home. The moment the woman is not bringing something to the relationship - except sex - she loses her power, her bargaining capability, and may I be controversial, her respect. Because one can demand equal rights only when one is equal in other terms too - otherwise any demand met is merely charity.

The day the woman depends on someone (anyone - her father/ brother/ husband/ children) more than the man in the family does, that is when talk of feminism becomes hollow.

Feminism also takes me to another view point, and that is about traditional pressures put on women by society, about looking good - Beauty. It is acceptable for a man to be ugly, bald, unfit, uncouth or loud, but not for a woman to be any of these. And the woman needs to be fit, maintain herself, look good, remove unwanted body hair, and generally keep herself pretty for masculine consumption. To me, feminism is also about women being able to (which they are not, today) be 'themselves', just as it is acceptable for men to 'be themselves'. The day equality happens will be when a woman can carry a paunch to a party and her husband is complimented for great cooking. And all of this, without any sarcasm or condescending behaviour.

Feminism is just a way of thinking. And its not just women, but men, who also could be feminists.

I think feminism is only a fancy word - for equality, for being fair, for being humane & human.

And, like earlier, I am not tagging anyone, but since you are reading this, would love to have you pick up this Tag - if not already done!

(If feminism is about choice, so should be 'Tag'-gism ;-) )
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